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  • Writer's pictureSeriously Sinister Podcast

EP 137: Ballad of the Toilet Man (Transcript)

Below is the Youtube transcript from Episode 137. It isn't perfect, but feel free to listen along with the player attached.








0:00

live laugh larsy discusses true Petty crimes that may be disturbing to some or could be easy listening to all you

0:06

Psychopaths out there all stories are based on actual events eh but details

0:11

may vary listener discretion is not

0:28

advised

0:40

live laugh L welcome to live laugh Larsen the one

0:46

time procrastinating helped a situation this is Trevon and I'm Amanda we are

0:52

both really good at procrastinating so that was a good intro for us thank you I feel like I am very good at

0:57

procrastinating this was actually inspired ired by a Black Friday purchase I made oh my therapist had told me about

1:05

this shiatsu massage belt thing I want to work on doing better selfcare stuff

1:11

and she told me to get it well it was originally 80 bucks and I was like I'm not going to get it and then as it was

1:17

getting a little closer it was down to 60 ooh so then we had a session I was like oh I should get this then she said

1:23

you really should so I went back one more time and it was $35 wo whoo whoo yeah so procrastinating

1:31

helped me a ton oh my God one for procrastination everyone Trevon yes what

1:38

is your actual Dreadful dilemma this week I have an issue okay I tend to

1:43

break out into song around the home okay and a lot of times it is completely off

1:50

the top of my head you know I'm just riffing with it cuz when you've got a lot of ideas you just got to let them flow through you sometimes you know

1:56

sometimes the best ideas will come out that way uhhuh so here I am and I'm I'm going to try to do my best impression of what I was singing okay was in doing

2:03

cookie work and I was just cooking okay okay so I was going meatball sandwiches

2:10

meatball sandwiches Maybelline I love meatball sandwiches when I was a toilet man a

2:17

toilet man a toilet man I do what a toilet man

2:25

can what so this is how I just kind of let it roll

2:31

okay where did the toilet man come from uh well like I said you just got to let

2:37

the ideas come in and go out and just follow their you know just go with it

2:42

you know Whimsy I don't know if I ever go that far as a person that also is

2:49

prone to breaking out into song all the time I've never called myself a toilet man but we everyone's different yeah it

2:57

was just like a musical going on in my head and the toilet man was the character I was portraying in that

3:03

scene but the problem is after I had finished that I turned around and I did not pay attention that it was actually a

3:10

warm day that day and Emily was enjoying herself and had the back door wide open

3:16

so the whole neighborhood heard the ballot of the toilet man no and the fact that mael and I love

3:23

meatball sandwiches and were you actually about to eat a meatball sandwich no okay this is where I draw

3:31

the line yeah none of it made sense to anything that was going on besides Mabel she was there thank God for that I at

3:37

least thought that you were going to actually eat a meatball sub and then the toilet man just kind of came out of

3:43

nowhere I think I was doing dishes or I was prepping my lunches which my lunch would have been broccoli rice and

3:51

buffalo chicken so no beatball sandwiches wow yeah I'm all about it

3:56

Trevon I can't really hate on you for it I sing about crazy things all the time I

4:01

do think yeah maybe if a neighbor heard that they'd be like that guy is a little bit weird but yeah people may not get

4:08

candy at my house next Halloween it's so freaking weird that

4:13

you brought this up this week but Jordan my husband and I have noticed that if we sing talk to each other and I'm not a

4:21

therapist okay okay I'm not a therapist but in our experience limited experience

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sometimes if you sing talk to each other and it's like something that depending on your tone of voice could upset

4:34

someone like come on don't put a towel there on the bed or whatever but instead you sing it it comes off a lot better

4:41

guys we've been doing a lot of sing talking to each other your hairbrush doesn't go next to the oven get that

4:49

[ __ ] out of here I'm trying to cook yeah okay you know what I mean yeah

4:55

even if it's a little bit of a poke but you're singing it so it's happier and then can at least pretend you live in

5:00

the world that you really want to live in ex a musical world oh my God I also

5:06

have a dreadful dilemma this week and I'm curious if this Dreadful dilemma is something that has been affecting you as

5:13

well so definitely let me know and not only you I'm curious if this is

5:19

something that's going on other places other than Kansas City Missouri in the US OFA okay like I want to know what

5:27

everyone else is dealing with right now but my Dreadful dilemma is that our electric company evergy has been doing

5:34

the whole peak hours thing MH where our example from 4: to 8:00 p.m. it is peak

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hour time so if you are using your electricity it's way more expensive during those peak hours yeah it's a

5:48

time-based Billing System where you have to actually sign up for a plan where you almost say like oh I think I use

5:54

electricity more at around I don't know 8:30 p.m. and then if you say that you

5:59

have to decide to always be that way or anytime you do use the electricity at the time you say you don't it's like

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quadruple the price dude it's crazy and dumb and whack and there were no good things for us to choose they all suck so

6:13

4 to8 we've been running around like peek hours peek hours and like the kids know it now we just put up our Christmas

6:20

tree recently and it's really sad oh God because I want all that stuff lit up at

6:25

that time but the Dreadful part other than it being really pricey and dumb is

6:31

that lla and Jordan and I we all running around like a siren is going off in our home like peek hours turn off all the

6:38

extra lights one of the first times that happened my littlest one Winnie she

6:43

thought that it was an emergency like a natural disaster had occurred or something so it kind of freaked her out

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but now she knows we're just yelling peak hours peak hours because my kids leave every light on in the house well I

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think giving your money to the man is a national emergency right she's probably right for being worried so Trevon today

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we're going to do a game of would you

7:09

rather would you rather we are and I have a would you rather that might leave

7:14

you wondering oh God they usually do would you rather have your partner fall

7:20

in love and leave you for someone you feel inferior to or a cheap and hideous

7:26

blowup doll so either option is your partner

7:32

has been cheating on you and is leaving you correct but the option A is that it's a woman that I feel inferior to or

7:40

option be a blowup doll Yeah so basically this breaks down to which emotion bothers you worse a person that

7:47

let's just say is a person you always kind of were jealous of and they had everything that you wish you ever had

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they have my better face they have a better this than me I just wish I had their life then if your husband were to

7:57

leave you for that person you'd be like I'm I knew it I never was good enough but what if your husband had been

8:03

cheating on you and left you for a disgusting old cheap ass blowup doll then you're just like am I not better

8:09

than this hunk of [ __ ] yeah so which emotion can you handle better what would make you sleep better at night neither

8:16

I'm just going to say that first and foremost which that just means the would you rather is a good one they should both suck really but honestly I think

8:25

that personally for me I would have an easier time explaining things to not

8:31

only myself but to my kids my friends my family if I could say listen he left me

8:38

for this like much hotter much more together much more talented person I'm

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pissed I am pissed I'm jealous I feel horrible about myself at least that's

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something that I can explain to all of us if not I just can't picture myself

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being like listen girls daddy left us for a blowup doll and yeah she might be

9:02

coming to Thanksgiving what at least you know she won't start the fight what about you Trevin that's very funny again

9:10

we said this like a week or two ago I love our dynamic because we both think of such different things from what the

9:16

other person would think about right I'm always like something weird about death and you're always something weird about family that I don't always think about

9:22

yeah I didn't even think about what that would be like to explain to your kids to me I was just thinking about

9:29

what would make me feel worse about myself as a person mhm if it was a person that I just always kind of felt

9:34

that I wish I had their life I'm like great that just proves my point even further or if somebody left you for an

9:40

old dirty blowup doll and you're just like shoot I can't even compete with that yeah which would affect me more and

9:47

I I honestly never decided on my own but at least the blowup doll would be way

9:53

funnier because yes option A people would be able to grasp it even myself

9:59

included would be able to logically grasp it but I'm not saying that wouldn't eat me up and tear me up inside

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oh my God that would be the worst thing in the universe Trevon but you know what would be worse than that having to tell

10:13

everyone that he left her family for at doll that's a good point now that you say that it would also really hurt to

10:19

tell somebody like oh yeah he left me for hot Susan and then have your own friends look at you and be like oh I get

10:25

it yeah just subtly kind of make that gesture of like like oh you can see why

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too H Susan better step off okay I am

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not trying to do that okay Trevon I also have a would you rather for you okay

10:43

would you rather stub your toe each and every day or get a paper cut each and

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every day oh no I know again they both suck they do both suck I used to stub my

10:55

toe a lot as a kid and a teen yeah I don't really seem to do that as much as an adult surprisingly but paper cuts do

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make me very upset if it's just a light stubbing I have always had a tendency of

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being in a hurry where I'm walking where I stub it so hard that thing's throbbing for a week totally so I would like have

11:14

a permanent limp if I was stubbing my toe every day yeah like that aggressively yeah and honestly you can

11:20

look like a badass with a Band-Aid you put a Band-Aid on you're just like oh yeah I fight so if I just get a lot of

11:26

paper cut Band-Aids oh yeah really so you went with the paper cut I'll go with the paper cuts oh my God see I am so so

11:35

the opposite and I'm the same I have stubbed my toes so many times in my life it hurts it hurts it hurts but I feel

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like I think I could handle that better than a paper cut it's so small yet so

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intense and so burny and H no and I do things with my hands all the time yeah I

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mean I do too but I mean I guess you didn't say the paper cut has to be on your fingertips right oh that's true I

12:01

didn't that just be paper cut in my arm or something I don't know they still hurt

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so bad they do hurt bad but yeah just the throbbing lastingness of the toe I

12:12

think would affect my workout H you're right too I can see both sides yeah well

12:19

something else I'd like to see a little more of is some advertising

12:27

please hey everyone I'm about to play a trailer for our friend Ashley's podcast that's so [ __ ] up if you love the

12:33

weird and bizarre facts we share you'll love this show help support more independent pods by giving her show a

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follow this is that's so [ __ ] up a podcast about Colts murder and other

12:44

 ] up stuff like really really [  ] up stuff he tore out her heart

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tied it to a rope and hung it on the wall [ __ ] sharks ate mark under the

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dinghy after his dad dies he [ __ ] marries all his dad's lives oh yeah he

13:04

like marries all his stepmoms I'm your host Ashley love

13:09

Richards find that so [  ] up anywhere you listen to podcasts that's [  ]

13:17

up and we are back hi it's my week and we've reached Story Time the best time

13:24

of the year or the week I guess yes leading up to the best time of the year

13:29

wink wink Santa Baby so last week I had the twist of The Proposal yes and the

13:37

love this week we will not be spreading the love I'm going to be telling you a

13:42

story that starts where every good love story ends an abysmal devastating

13:47

divorce oh my God thank goodness this is not around Valentine's Day or just a

13:54

breakup either way okay I'm just saying if you thought that I had turned over a new leaf and and it was all love stories

13:59

from here on than again Buster oh damn and here we

14:08

go they say that breaking up is hard to do and from my past experiences as an

14:14

emo boy I can definitely agree it's so interesting to me every

14:20

relationship Dynamic and person is different leading to very different breakups some breakups happen silently

14:26

seemingly overnight like a pred Congressional Bill While others happen loudly and for the world to see this

14:33

will teach you to kiss my sister there are the toxic relationships that turn a breakup into a multi-year ordeal and

14:39

there are the amicable decisions made by two smart adults who just aren't feeling it I don't love you split up breakups

14:46

tend to take aspects of ourselves and amplify them do you have abandonment issues Letting Go may be the hardest

14:52

thing you do are you a driven person who knows your lazy partner has great potential then you may also have a hard

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time let Letting Go realizing it's no longer your job to help them I hope you still bathe what I've G the dissolving

15:04

of these Partnerships are heartbreaking in the most symbolic of ways it's the end of a dream your hazy version of how

15:10

you expect the future to be has just gotten hazier as the other person no longer fits in Your

15:16

Vision but it's how we respond to these breakups that truly Define us for some a

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breakup is a chance to Rise From the Ashes like a great and powerful Phoenix you find the confidence to buy

15:28

your first first pair of mom jeans color your hair and begin to work on the thing you've always wanted the partner who

15:34

expected to be cared for by that person on the other hand will take this breakup time to continue being sad and not look

15:41

inward hoping someone else will come along and fix their problems of course there are millions of variations of

15:47

breakup I was the Phoenix at my most formidable breakup although maybe not as elegant I was more like a goose that

15:54

accidentally got too close to a bonfire sure I did lose about 40 lbs and create my

16:01

own solo album that encapsulated everything I felt during a destructive relationship but I had some very low

16:06

points during that time too I didn't lose that weight in a healthy way I went through a very cringy and desperate

16:12

phase of dating and I once drank a whole fifth of maple syrup flavored vodka and woke up behind a

16:17

Lowe's it was all tears beers and bad decisions but hey progress doesn't

16:23

always mean that you're going to go in the right direction 100% of the time some people just take a little longer

16:28

before recognizing the error of their ways it takes repeating a situation multiple times before realizing your own

16:33

patterns whether it takes you 3 months or 5 years figuring yourself out and finding what you really need is worth

16:39

the work today's story will begin at the end of a relationship and show you how

16:45

there are very different ways of handling a breakup because sometimes separation is

16:57

Criminal piles of used tissues covered Candace's coffee table holding copious amounts of

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Tears snot and bad memories I guess I'll just be a single

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cat lady forever she captioned her oddly sexy crying selfie before posting it on

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Instagram once the Thirsty guys started commenting Candace turned on Taylor Swifts Back to December and began to

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sob welcome to Candace's breakup it had been a very emotional day but this was

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the healthiest way Candace knew had to deal her entire schedule had been cleared to allow any morning necessary

17:33

for her dearly departed 5-month relationship she cried set small fires

17:38

played Lifetime movies on a loop and Aid an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's stopping to cry at the irony of the

17:44

flavor she chose when will I get my Chubby Hubby the plan was to get all the

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negativity out of her system and then begin the process of healing it was a 24-hour block party of purging she

17:57

looked back at her time with Carl remembering how many red flags she excused away with her own rationalizing

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there was the time he gave her the silent treatment after he lost a game of Call of Duty and the way he always wanted her to compliment his truck

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during sex tell me about the stow and go seeding not to mention all the lies Carl

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had a tendency to lie and during their short 5 months together it was already starting to catch up with him it all

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started with his dating profile saying he was a strictly social Drinker even though his hands seemed to permanently

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have a Mike's Hard Lemonade in it when Candace tried to point this out Carl always said that he was currently signed

18:32

into social media thus making it a social drink at first Candace thought of it as

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a fun personality Quirk she would bragged to her friends about how optimistic her new boyfriend is since he

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literally viewed every hour his happy hour but the lies quickly declined from

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his closeted alcoholism to less cute things like where he was the night before this is what would eventually

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lead to the emotional day Candace was happing now Carl would go full days without resp responding to texts only to

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show up covered in glitter and have an everchanging story of what he had been up to one second he would say he and his

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friend Marty drunkenly broke into a Glitter Factory and the next he would completely deny the existence of the

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glitter on his crotch altogether Candace had a hard time finding the truth in this new life with

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Carl 5 months was Candace's limit for the gaslighting and a random acts of anger she replayed her last encounter

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with Carl begging him to Turn Down The Joe Rogan podcast so they could have a serious discussion his manly whales

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still echoed in her head followed by the sound of him crushing his mic's hard can

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she could still hear the last thing he ever said to her before she walked away for good I'll get my revenge for what

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you've done to me weeks had passed and Candace was on the right track of healing she created

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art again hung out with friends she hadn't seen in a while and even got into therapy hoping to figure out why she

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felt so drawn to man babies with big trucks things were looking up but she

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knew this was not going to to be an overnight fix she remained positive and patient with herself Candace returned

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from her jog around the neighborhood grabbed a towel for her sweaty hair and sat down to check her emails she slowly

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scrolled the inbox to see all the different junk mail one gets in 2012 notification emails from Facebook a

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receipt for an $8 subscription to Netflix and the Gangnum Style music video sent from her friend

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Amber this is not the song this was all pretty normal for her inbox

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but below all of those was a very peculiar email that she had never seen before directly from senders sellp

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pals.com was an email with a subject line that read one nut Tony wants to

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connect unsure of what any of this means Candace clicked on the email and began to

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read dearest Candice I hope this finds you well as I sit in this jail cell

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thinking of all the mistakes I've made in my past I know that I've become a more stable man my monthly reading goal

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is up to 12 books I've recently recorded a new PR on my bench press and my cellmate says that my mop job on the

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floor is good enough to eat off of I want to thank you for checking out my profile and giving me this line of

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communication who knows which of the many crimes I've been related to put me in here this time but I can tell you

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that if you give me a chance you're going to get a good and rehabilitated man when I get out of here think of this

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jail cell as a cocoon I entered this prison as one nutted caterpillar without Direction if you give me this chance I

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promise you will see me as a butterfly of a man with big beautiful wings and one nut that can easily do the job of

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two I'll be anxiously awaiting your reply one nut Tony P.S my prisoner

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number is 6969 if you want to call me anytime between the hours of 1 and 2

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p.m. Candace's eyes widened as she went on an emotional ride through one nut Tony's email this guy has clearly lived

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a storied life and it really takes some ball to email someone out of the blue like this but that didn't change the

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fact that Candace had a strict no aning unsolicited emails rule she took her Mouse and dropped the beautiful words of

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one nut Tony directly into her recycling bin the rest of the night was quiet for Candace she worked on a healthy meal did

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some light journaling and put on an exfoliating face mask the more she enjoyed the calm side

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of single life she thought about Tony and the life he must be living Behind Bars how did he get her email why her

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questions related to the encounter played through her head until she returned back to her computer she logged

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into her AOL inbox and went to dig for more clues behind this email but before she could click into her recycling bin

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she noticed another email from sells.com this time the subject line read hello from Timothy I'm on

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fire Candace felt a bit more uneasy towards this email but curiosity eventually got the best of her as she

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clicked open hello my darling I saw your picture

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and you've got me so hot in fact I'm on fire I'm on fire if I wore nothing but a

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creepy mask would you pour milk all over my naked body it doesn't have to be in Walmart like last time but if you wear a

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blue vest and tell me to come again after we're done I'll be yours for Life 2% milk 100% yours Timothy

23:23

Smith this email was more bizarre than the last so much so in fact it made

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Candace completely forget about the first email she was logging in to read what is happening she said out loud to

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herself as she opened up a new browser and went to sellp pals.com as the basic page quickly opened she was

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greeted by a menu of different shades of blue with options like female inmates

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male inmates and find an inmate my God she said to herself it's a dating

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website for criminals she racked her head on the possibilities did her friends decide to

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be proactive and sign her up or was this something more Sinister shaking in fear of what criminal may contact her next

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the voice of the AOL man blared from her speakers You've Got Mail alerting her of a new email Candace sculped as she

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clicked the tab to AOL what she saw wasn't another email from s pal but an email from her Aunt

24:20

Kathy the tenseness Candace felt began to fade knowing it was just a friendly email from her aunt she lowered her

24:26

shoulders and clicked on the subjectless email excited to see what cookie aunt Cathy was up to expecting to see a wall

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of unpunctuated writing from her weird aunt Candice opened the shortest email she had ever opened to find two words

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she will never forget you [ __ ] she scrambled trying to imagine

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such mean words coming from her aunt first these weird criminal emails now my aunt hates me she yelled to her empty

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room I've been taking care of myself and trying to make positive changes why is the world treating me like this like

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this this in the summer of 2012 an unnamed Houston woman contacted police stating

25:05

that she had begun receiving unwanted emails from inmates all over the country including her home state of Texas in

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each email the prisoners stated that they had come across her profile on a pin pal and dating website for detainees

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during this time the victim's aunt had also reached out to a profile she believed belonged to the victim when

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messaging the profile to see if it was still active the ant received a message that yes this account is still very much

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active thank you very much and you can go [ __ ] off now I will now add you to my block list where you cannot bother me

25:37

anymore upon further investigation police found 30-year-old Carl Wayne mcgr Jr had hacked into her email set up a

25:44

profile on a prisoner dating website and create a fake profile all in her name when given the name of the person behind

25:51

this the victim told police she had dated McGrath for about 5 months but ended the relationship when she began to

25:56

catch him in multiple eyes Carl Wayne mcgr Jr was arrested and charged with online impersonation his

26:03

punishment was not made known but according to Texas attorney's website Kevin Bennett law.com creating a web

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page on a social networking site or messaging as another person on a social networking or other type of website is a

26:15

third degree felony the statutory penalties for a third deegree felony include up to 10 years in prison and a

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fine of up to $10,000 investigators also said that during their analysis another woman had

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reached out to the victim saying she too had dated mgra and was a victim of one of his online impersonation

26:34

schemes no matter what your relationship status is whether it be dating married

26:39

single or young Spencer I think we can all connect this story to something we've experienced there's nothing more

26:46

Petty than dating especially when you're immature if you can't be honest with yourself or take a look in the mirror

26:52

from time to time you're doomed to repeat mistakes and let me tell you there's nothing more frustrating than

26:57

finding finding yourself in the exact place you're trying to avoid but hey that's the fun part of life you may find

27:03

yourself in a similar issue that you put yourself in before but the second you open your eyes to the signs that brought you there nothing is more appreciated

27:10

than the time you finally break free whether you're a selfish dick who feeds off other people in relationships or

27:15

you're desperately wanting love to work with the wrong people the act of going through a breakup is symbolic the

27:21

unhealthy part of your brain wants to view it like an unsaved document that accidentally closes with all of your

27:26

hard work lost but it's up to you to take the experiences gained from that relationship and put it towards your

27:32

next romantic Venture some lucky people can learn quickly and figure out what they want in time for relationship

27:37

number two while some others may take a couple decades and find happiness with their third marriage there's no right or

27:43

wrong way to experience life love and loss but it would probably be best if you didn't purposely try to hurt the

27:49

people it didn't work with so if you're in a place where romance feels hopeless put on some Phoebe Bridgers pour

27:56

yourself a little wine and take care of you after all that's the only person you can truly control and it feels a lot

28:02

better when you can learn to like that person instead of finding a way to love someone who makes you feel terrible so

28:08

free yourself with the truth because in this day and age you don't need to sign up for self pals.com to feel imprisoned

28:15

in someone else's idea of

28:21

Love damn that got deep Trevon cell Pals cell Pals is that a real website with

28:29

the real blue home screen and yep you went to it and everything yeah I didn't

28:34

do too much searching through it the website looks super poorly made it almost looks like a placeholder website

28:39

but apparently that's the same website the actual dude used wow yeah I didn't make sell PS up I

28:45

would have come up with a much funnier name for that right right right I was just making sure cuz I was like is that legitimate cuz I know when you did your

28:52

rent a Hitman you know you went to the site and you looked at it and everything I love that so much oh my god I've never

29:00

heard of that kind of Revenge on an X signing up for a prison dating site that's interesting I've never heard I

29:07

guess of exactly that either I've heard a lot of stories where crazy ex's will

29:14

take their ex's address or their phone number and they put them on Craigslist or something saying like oh I want an

29:20

orgy or whatever yeah I've heard of that but this is a really specific weird one

29:27

yeah he used her email made a fake Facebook and he reached out and put her on this cell pal thing also I guess I

29:33

forgot to put this in the recap the other ex that showed up that said that she was also a victim of his yeah

29:38

apparently he had actually doxed her and put like her actual phone number and addresses on websites and stuff e this

29:44

dude is such a creep when you see the mug shot he looks

29:50

like such a creep and come on dude you're with this person 5 months you said get on with your idiot

29:58

in that quote too he said to the aunt if you were impersonating somebody on Facebook wouldn't you just not say

30:03

anything you obviously have some anger issues or something if you're impersonating somebody and you're cursing out their aunt right that's

30:10

going to get you caught I know so was that actually true that the aunt emailed back or or the aunt probably caught on

30:17

right the aunt probably caught on I think the aunt probably just reached out and was like I don't know I didn't want to add extra scenes to the story I know

30:24

I hear you and I thought it'd be funny just to have a you [ __ ] email but it was either something where the

30:29

aunt told the mom or she had just like come forward to her about like why are you being mean sort of thing oh my God

30:35

yeah all the emails were made up by me I just thought a prisoner dating website would have been such a fun place to do

30:41

like a Greatest Hits and kind of bring up some old characters oh that was so funny when you were talking about the 2%

30:47

milk 100 yeah yeah I was dying the PS

30:55

6969 I mean you were just ask asking for trouble but no I loved that and then

31:01

when you said that it took real ball and you were talking about the classic character one nut Tony that we love to

31:08

include in the stories that was just so damn funny oh my God oh my God it's going to bring a lot of people laughs

31:13

Trevon thank you I hope so H what a good one you know I'm not 100% sure on

31:19

connections I might need your help on this one or maybe it'll come to me we'll see well I feel prepared to find it also

31:27

really the only thing I want to say before I jump into my story is that it is a story from the news and it does

31:35

involve three different male characters and at first I thought okay maybe I'll

31:42

just give Trevon all of this one's lines and have him be one I thought about doing that just cuz I'm so bad at Guy

31:48

voices but I'm going to take the challenge on and I think I can do it you're going to be three different men

31:53

I'm going to try and do it oh my God so here we

32:01

go basic interactions between human beings can be hard to manage this is

32:07

particularly true when you start things off with a bad first impression maybe you accidentally call

32:14

your girlfriend's father daddy at your first meal together great meal Daddy I

32:19

mean Mr Coleman sir or perhaps you passed major gas during your first date

32:26

paron me no matter the horrifying initial interactions you've had I

32:31

guarantee today's petty crime puts them all to shame this story is about three men who

32:39

made getting off on the wrong foot criminal Billy Bobby and Boris were the

32:47

three best friends that nobody else wanted living in wano Peru in

32:53

2023 each of the young men struggled with forming fast friendships for various reasons Billy was quick to start

33:01

fights what' you say to me Bobby was eager to share all of his personal

33:07

information I often eat ice cream in the bath while sobbing and Boris was just a

33:13

boring [ __ ] by default they became each other's best friends they were an odd

33:20

crew with not much in common spending most of their time standing together in

33:25

silence judging everyone else who misunderstood them but when the trio did

33:31

decide to communicate they would discuss money or sneakers Billy would share stories of

33:38

fights he got into while wearing his favorite pair of Nikes I kicked my very first ass in these shoes Bobby would

33:45

overshare Tales from the past and his freshest kicks I lost my virginity wearing nothing but my Air Jordans and

33:53

Boris always wore his classic black and white Adidas with his arm arms crossed and an unimpressed look on his

34:01

face after a while of enduring awkward Hangouts at Bobby's house the socially inept crew thought of other ways to

34:08

spend their free time Billy suggested creating a Fight Club Bobby proposed an

34:13

intimate sleepover while Boris sat back thinking to himself before stating me let's go

34:21

rob that shoe store down the road shocked to hear a full sentence come out of Boris mouth the two other men

34:29

immediately agreed the three bessies were thrilled to pick out some name brand shoes for free plus they planed to

34:36

sell whatever they didn't want leaving them with nothing but

34:43

profit in the dark hours before the crack of dawn the unexpected accomplice

34:48

drove down the street to a well-known sneaker store examining the front door they

34:54

noticed the large padlock attached stand back you wussies Billy barked at the

35:00

other boys he balanced his weight un just one of his Nikes and kicked with

35:05

the other after three aggressive kicks the padlock broke allowing them to walk

35:13

right into the store once inside the men were stunned

35:18

by the massive assortment of sneakers before them Billy felt a sense of Peace

35:24

wash over him Bobby had a rush of every emotion coursed through his

35:29

body and boris's expression went from a stink face to a glimmer of hope

35:37

me not only were there countless boxes of their favorite Brands but there were

35:43

also stylish Pumas Converse and even the ultra comfy New Balance sneakers the

35:50

crew hurried into the back of the store where all of the Footwear was stored metal shelves were packed to the

35:57

brim with boxes and boxes of shoes in a corner of the back room was a tricycle

36:03

Billy grabbed the handlebars and wielded it towards the other two men load them up you [ __ ] boys Billy

36:11

demanded as he began stacking boxes onto the random tricycle the three thieves stacked as

36:18

many boxes as they could and wheed them outside to their real

36:23

vehicle after multiple trips they had filled their escape transport to the brim with sneaker boxes and squeezed in

36:32

themselves as they peeled off down the road the men giggled as they inhaled the

36:37

new shoe scent they could hardly wait to take a closer look at their loot they

36:44

didn't have to muster up too much patience however as they quickly arrived back at Bobby's house and unloaded the

36:51

stolen boxes all right men Billy announced as

36:56

he said sat down the final box let's open these up like three greedy Pirates

37:02

the men gathered around their cardboard treasure boxes each choosing their own 1

37:09

two three Bobby shouted excitedly as they each tore open their shoe

37:16

boxes but it wasn't a pristine new pair of sneakers that they discovered instead

37:23

each box contained a single shoe these are all for the right

37:31

foot in early May of 2023 three unidentified men broke into

37:37

an unnamed Shoe Shop in wano Peru the Breakin occurred at 3:30 a.m. on a

37:44

Sunday morning with the thieves entering the front door by breaking the padlock after their third

37:50

attempt inside they used a tricycle to stack the shoe boxes and transport them

37:56

outside in total the men took around 200 boxes

38:01

worth 50,000 Peruvian solay or 13,400

38:07

American however what the thieves most likely didn't know at the time was that

38:12

they had stolen 200 right-footed shoes leaving their left footed counterparts

38:18

back at the shop local police chief Edan Diaz told Peruvian media we have gathered evidence

38:26

at the scene the unusual thing about this robbery is that shoes from only the

38:31

right foot have been stolen with the footage and the fingerprints we'll be able to locate those

38:38

individuals in my research there have been no further updates given

38:45

online wow those Petty criminals really took getting off on the wrong foot to a

38:52

whole other level it's stories like this that should remind us all just how

38:58

important putting your best foot forward is because if you're anything like these

39:03

Petty sneakerheads your worst foot may be missing a

39:10

shoe sneaker heads isn't that a thing that people say that is a thing I've

39:16

always wondered this and I've never taken the time to look it up but I know that Patrick Mahomes said it in one of those State Farm commercials oh was it

39:23

and he was like undercover trying to get something from Jake from State Farm and he said yeah I'm just a sneaker head and

39:29

he made a face like what did I just say I always read that as him like saying something off the top of his head oh I

39:35

was like did that catch on from there or was that always been a thinging so I really don't know I feel like I thought it was just a thing mhm but I don't know

39:42

is that what the kids are saying right in kids tell us children so

39:48

obviously I don't know the names of these criminals I don't know if they were caught at all but yeah what' you

39:56

think of that one Trev okay so why were there only one shoe in each box is it

40:01

because they were for display and the other ones were out that is how I took it there were a couple Mysteries that I

40:08

had to try to write around them and try and make sense of them that being the

40:14

main one because I thought surely one just one little tiny sentence in one

40:20

article would tell me why that was and they could say oh it was because they

40:25

just put one out blah blah blah but there wasn't what I did gather though is

40:31

that I guess it is kind of a more common crime in that area to steal sneakers and

40:36

then to resell them a lot of people were like oh that's probably what they were doing but jokes on them they only got

40:42

the one shoe so I'm just assuming that maybe if this is a more well-known thing

40:49

that's happening especially during that time maybe they were only putting the one shoe out and keeping the other shoe

40:56

on on display or the other shoe in the back I don't know yeah see that's what I was wondering you told me how many they

41:01

stole like oh [ __ ] if they only would have stole you know like maybe two for each of them or something I would have

41:06

been like okay yeah they just grab display ones but when you tell me that it's a very common thing in the area it

41:12

makes me think that they have some sort of a system to where no two shoes are ever together until you buy them and

41:18

then if that's true I want to know about that because that's interesting it would be interesting and the reason why I

41:24

couldn't just say they only took the display ones is because a lot of the

41:30

pictures that I saw online were the shoes in the back and they found a tricycle in the back randomly and I had

41:36

to fit that into the story too that was the second mystery is that I was never

41:41

told that they had a getaway car in a lot of the Articles it was just kind of

41:46

stated that there was a tricycle in the Sho store and that they were using it to

41:52

transport them but it was kind of vague surely they didn't didn't transport 200

41:58

shoes so in my mind I just again connected the dots that they must have just put it in a vehicle and I don't

42:05

know shoe stores seem to think twice about leaving tricycles around I guess it's really convenient for thieves to

42:12

use apparently so yeah noted it makes me think of back in the days of Blockbuster

42:18

where they would have the box of for the movie and they would have like a thing behind it and you'd have to pull that out and take that to the front and then

42:24

they would take that and go through the drawer and then they would put the actual tape in the Box yes that's kind

42:29

of what I feel like they're doing with shoes or something like that yes there's got to be right yeah it's just like if

42:34

you want to steal it you can only get one shoe you have to bring me the other shoe and yeah somebody was tweeting about it and they were like oh I

42:41

remember back in the day when I used to steal shoes and try and resell them and blah blah blah and I'm like okay this

42:46

must be a thing it's just a regular Pastime thing to do I don't know and

42:52

apparently they left their fingerprints everywhere so the guy was like we will catch them of course no update online

43:00

but come on you know when you told me like a week ago or whatever you said hey dibs on three unnamed guys from Peru I

43:07

had a story I've been holding on to one for a while that I swear was three unknown guys from Peru and I was like ah

43:14

she got to it before me that's fine I was like I'm not feeling inspired for it anyway and then when you started telling this for the longest time it's like when

43:20

you think you're taking a drink of water and it's somebody's Coke or something it really catches off guard I'm like where's the jokes that lead to the thing

43:26

I'm waiting for so I actually went into this thinking I knew exactly what you were going to say and I did not oh my

43:31

God that is so weird you're going to have to relook at that one and make sure that's actually where it was yeah

43:37

because clearly I didn't take it so it's still up for grabs that is so funny I don't even know what made me find this

43:43

crime it was just a weird one I mean 200 of just a right foot that's pretty ridiculous yeah that's too many for it

43:49

to be a coincidence like you should have peaked in at least one box 200 oh I don't know if I should do

43:57

this right now but my criminal that I just talked about last week the turkey

44:04

lady in the turkey costume I found another crime that she was charged with recently and it was that she was charged

44:10

with trespassing for going on her ex's property when he did not want her there

44:16

I don't know if there was a restraining order or what but all charges were dropped but I did find another article

44:22

about her because I was looking her up again to post a picture today I saw that

44:28

and I was like oh my God this turkey woman is out here gobling up loads of

44:34

crimes not just one I wish I would have known that but I wanted to share that anytime I find an update of any sort of

44:41

little bit I'm like oo we better say that cuz I did not see that before and I wanted to let everyone know she is a

44:48

petty turkey mhm connections Trevon can you think of anything that maybe I'm not

44:53

no all I can really think of is what we had stopped and both pointed out that I had said sometimes separation is

45:00

Criminal and then you said to transition in you had said they're going to make

45:05

getting off on the wrong foot criminal yeah so we both went down the criminal path I suppose I mean I guess the crimes

45:13

are just so different this week MH I don't know it might be one of those where we look back on like we were just

45:19

talking about today how the Thanksgiving one we both randomly talked about how they woke up in the morning and we gave

45:25

them this whole dayong thing mhm I don't know this might be one for the listeners again yeah let us know I'm Plum out of

45:32

ideas on that one I know we're in the middle of the holidays people okay yeah this is actually the start of my little

45:38

Thanksgiving break so ah yes about to go see a movie just remember everyone no

45:44

matter the crime big or small in the end we're all doomed doomed to do the thing

45:52

you do when it's bad that you're doing it what you know what I'm saying bye see

45:59

you peow peow thanks for leaving us on anyways

46:05

guys we appreciate you listening to our show and do you make up weird songs and sing to your dog so your whole

46:10

neighborhood can hear post them on social media maybe you'll go viral and follow us there too Instagram Facebook

46:16

Tik Tock or threads live laugh larsy and do you have a vengeful ex send us your

46:21

petty crime stories I know you've got them live laugh larsy at gmail.com and

46:27

rate US five stars wherever you rate podcast Apple podcast Spotify or good pods and make a profile for your blowup

46:34

doll partner and give us five stars with that one

46:48

too PS my prisoner number is 6969 if you want to call me anytime between the

46:54

hours of 1 and 2 p.m.

47:00

why why did you not only do that to me

47:05

but to yourself right oh you were just trying to

47:11

demolish us all




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