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Welcome to Seriously Sinister's first 'Going Deep' post. In these posts, we will be taking a closer look at one select story told from the show, elaborating on the creative process, any behind the scenes information and the specifics of the crime in question. We will also end every segment with any pictures and the full story of the story, as told be either Trevin or Amanda.
We will be working our way back through whichever story we feel like, so there will be no particular order. I thought we might as well start on something current. Today, we will be talking about Amanda's episode 50 story, Mouthful of Shame.
In this story, Amanda tells the tale of David Zurfluh, the notorious buzzed driver who attempted to eat his own underwear to escape a DUI charge. This is a story with not a lot of details, as it mainly exists strictly from small newspaper articles.
David had been pulled over for "weaving" down the highway. When put into the back of the police cruiser, awaiting a chance to complete a breathalyzer test, David had to think quickly. He did what any sane person would do. David ripped out a patch of his own underwear and shoved it into his mouth, hoping to soak up the alcohol.
The wild thing in all of this, to me, is that he did beat the breathalyzer. When tested, he blew a .08, which was below his state's legal limit. Now, do we know that attempting to ingest his own MANties was what allowed him to be acquitted of impaired driving? I'd like to think so. In reality, it could have been any number of things. Maybe he just didn't drink that much.
The story does get a little more shameful, in the case of David. When on trial, a class of law students from William E. Hay Composite High were there to observe. When the information came out that David was a literal Butt-much, this kids (rightfully?) began to laugh. I'm sure in his own self-talk, he was feeling pretty shameful for the whole situation, but having a whole group of teens laughing at you can really send the point home.
STORY SPECIFICS:
"Petty crimes are unfortunately committed each and every day.."
From the beginning of this one, you know Amanda is on to a good story. Over-top a very somber little piano piece of mine, her voice comes in with a powerful emotion. Her intro monologue deals with the fact that our world is faced with petty crimes, of all different sizes, at any moment. Through all of the stories we've covered, there are a lot of foolish ones that can lead to embarrassment. Amanda's intro poses the question of just how far someone would go to escape that embarrassment.
"There are times when the cover-up becomes even worse than the crime itself.."
We then get into the beginning of the story. Amanda sets the stage with her made-up backstory for David. As this is a story with little information published, this is Amanda's chance to really paint a picture on what kind of character we may be dealing with here. It is a really nice practice, in character creation, for us to take a small bit of information and really build a character around it.
In this situation, Amanda works with just the information that the dude will eat his own underwear, and this picture of him. As this is a story taking place in the early 2000s, Amanda works off of the visual, since David seems to look quite a bit older than 18-years-old, and his glasses style looks like he got them from Jeffrey Dahmer's estate sale.
The story or "Movie-version" of David enjoys playing checkers, hanging out with his grandma and ignoring phone calls for Judge Judy. He's an 18-Year-old who's living a less-than-exciting life, but wants to make a change. As a recent graduate, it's time for him to start getting out more, which leads him to go out to a party, with his neighbors.
Although it seems like David may be finding his way to being cool, we are still given plenty of clues that maybe he's a bit of a fish-out-of-water.
"This was nothing like Grandma's wild Friday Bingo nights."
Amanda sets up the party, allowing me the room to use an already recorded Seriously Sinister song created in the past. The Butts Song, used in the Highway Ass Magnet episode makes its reappearance as the big dance song of the party, leaving one girl in the crowd to yell "I love this song!" Everyone loves a callback.
From there, we follow David driving home, feeling cool. Trading in his usual jazz driving music for a much more edgy rock station, our main character seems invincible, and like he finally found what makes sense for him. But unfortunately, because I recap the true story above, we know exactly how this ends.
David gets pulled over, thrown in a cop car, tears out his underpants and goes to town on them. We then get treated to the visual of the grandma actually shaking her head at David, as the story is told in court, just before the high schoolers laugh at him.
.. There is nothing, NOTHING, worth eating your undies over."
Once the story is finished, I come forward and explain that I actually had this story saved for the future, and that Amanda beat me to it. In situations where we have less to work out of, we have to build up the story's dramatics with extra backstory, which also leaves way for more comedic angles around the characters. It's interesting to see what we choose when left on our own to do these things.
Amanda's version of the story dealt with the fact that he was a bit of a loser who just thought he was hammered on two beers. I share that my idea for the character was going to be that he had heard of a home remedy that eating your underwear can help drop blood alcohol level. To me, the part that really stuck out was that he actually did avoid getting a DUI. I wanted to play up the angle that the underwear is actually what saved him, leaving us with the question of whether or not the butt cloth is to blame for his lack of a criminal history.
Obviously, I'm still plagued with these thoughts, as I write this blog post now. We don't have all of the information on it, and I'm sure no scientists in the field examined David or his chewed up tighty-whities. So maybe this story, and me sharing these thoughts can lead to the creation of the legend/home remedy that ingesting your briefs really can cure a DUI.
Who knows? Maybe someone will hear this and one day get stuck in a similar situation. With nothing left to lose, they will hold their suspiciously moist panties high, open their mouth wide and yell "FOR DAVID!" just before taking a big 'ol bite.
MOUTHFUL OF SHAME
WRITTEN BY AMANDA ROSE
Petty crimes are unfortunately committed each and every day. Some of these acts of pure pettiness are committed by strangers we can easily mock on the internet. While others may be happening at this very moment in your own household. There is no telling just how far a person would go to cover up a crime worthy enough to make an absurd news headline or to prevent their families from shunning them. However, there are times when the cover up becomes even worse than the crime itself... a blatant display of idiotic overcorrection, that will haunt you for years to come.
In the early 2000s, David was timid 18 yr old young man, with oversized glasses and a passion for playing checkers. He spent the majority of his days visiting his grandmother at her nursing home and volunteering to teach brail to blind dogs. The only real selfish thing he would do for himself, was when he ignored his phone calls when Judge Judy came on his television. But lately, David had started thinking that maybe it was time for him to start having more fun for himself. Afterall, it was the summer after he had graduated High school and that was something to celebrate.
Ironically enough, as soon as this thought crossed his mind, David heard his next door neighbors talking in their apartment hallway about going to a party that evening. David pushed up his glasses, double checked his Jean zipper and opened his apartment door. "Howdy fellas, I too would like to partake in a good ole fashioned party this evening!" The neighbors grinned as one of them responded with "Uh sure David. Meet us in the parking lot at 11 tonight and wear your freshest sneakers!"
David walked back into his apartment and immediately began preparing for the party...even though it was only 2 pm. He lifted his 2 pound weights as he watched Judge Judy, he canceled dinner with his grandma, and started to pick out his best party outfit. He laid out a crisp tshirt, dark denim jeans, sneakers, and a freshly washed pair of undies on top of his bed. He spent the remainder of the evening brushing his hair and his mustache into the perfect placement.
He anxiously waited until the clock read 10:45, as he made his way to his apartment parking lot to meet his party companions. His neighbors eventually made it down to the parked cars around 11:30, and greeted David by asking him to drive them all to the party. David excitedly agreed as this was the most important job of the entire evening!
Smooth jazz played over the speakers inside of David's car, as his new friends began to chug beers in his backseat. "What a delightful evening" David thought as he smiled at them in the rear view mirror.
As soon as they arrived at the party, David felt extremely out of place. This was NOTHING like grandmas wild Friday bingo nights. There was loud music, topless young ladies, and someone had even spilled snacks all over a couch. Just as soon as he considered leaving, the host of the party offered David a beer, and told him to help himself to the fridge. "What a hospitable host!" David exclaimed, as he grabbed himself 2 beers, one for each hand. He wasn't much of a drinker, but he thought that a couple of beers couldn't hurt! He slowly sipped the foamy cool brew, as his hips gently swayed to the party music.
It wasn't long before 2 hrs had passed, and David had finished both beers. He politely excused himself from the party, as his neighbors reassured him that they would find another ride home. Instead of turning his car radio on his go to jazz station, David chose the unfamiliar rock one to accompany him on his short drive home. He felt like a new man. A party going man. He shook his head up and down to the rock beat and even played some air guitar while trying to stay straight on the road. Unfortunately, his one man rock band was quickly interrupted as he saw bright red and blue lights quickly approaching his car.
David began to panic, as he heard the disappointed voice of his grandmother ringing over and over again in his head about drinking and driving. This could NOT be the way his night ended. What would party David do? That is when he decided to pull over and run from his vehicle. Just as drinking wasn't something David did often, neither was running. He had only taken a few long strides, when a police officer tackled him onto the side of the road. The officer informed him that he had been swerving all over and that they would need to breathalyze him, as they placed David in the backseat of the patrol car.
The lecturing voice of his strict grandmother again replayed in his mind. He frantically looked around the backseat for something to soak up the two beers he had consumed earlier that evening, but found nothing. That is when a second idea formed in David's mind. He quickly and aggressively ripped out the Crotch of his underwear, and shoved the cloth deep into his mouth. As he began to chew, he felt a huge sense of defeat. There was no way he would be able to stomach the butt cloth he had partied in all evening. Finally giving in to the consequences, he spit out the chunk of Crotch cloth, and waited for his punishment.
In the end, David Zurfluh was acquitted of impaired driving in court, due to the fact that he had only blown a .08 on his breathalyzer test, and was well within the legal limits. Even though David had avoided charges, he couldn't avoid the public shame of his story being shared. That particular day in court, rows of highschool students interested in law were present as court observers, as the arrest was described in great detail. The teacher ultimately had to escort his highschool students out of the courtroom after the detail about David trying to ingest his own undies was announced. The students eyes were filled with tears as they left the court, and tried to muffle their snickers. Meanwhile, David's grandmother shook her head as she sat in the row behind him.
Sometimes even the most pure intended people commit petty crimes. And some of the most innocent of crimes are covered up unsuccessfully. We all make mistakes, and we all have an older relative that frowns upon those mistakes. But there is nothing worth eating your undies over.
To hear the full story, with sound effects, check out Episode 50 of Seriously Sinister: Sh*t's Weak.
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